What were you doing when...

Thanks Dawn for tagging me on this one!

Five events and the opportunity to record the impact they had on you:

Princess Diana's death - 31 August 1997

I had stayed at my friend Dom's house the previous night. Dom was getting ready for Church, I was in the lounge watching the T.V. I didn't really understand what was happening but I heard she had died. I mentioned the news to Dom and her Dad when they came back into the lounge and I remember Dom's Dad saying to me, 'Princess Diana, dead? don't be silly.' I doubted myself! But it was true! I think it was unbelievable because I didn't really understand the significance of it. (I never took an interest in the news so I didn't know how popular she really was!) so I just mentioned it in a blase tone - like 'Oh yeah and by the way, Princess Di is dead', so its no wonder it needed confimation!

Margaret Thatcher's resignation - 22 November 1990 It passed me by too!

Attack on the twin towers - 11 September 2001

Well, firstly it was my 19th Birthday! I was working for the summer at the Salvation Army's Territorial Headquarters - opening post! Previously in the day I had been annoyed that I had to turn 19. Somehow, that paled into insignificance...

England's World Cup semi final v Germany - 4 July 1990

I have no memory of this happening. However, it was my brother's (Lee's) 10th birthday (wow, my family have famous birthday's!) so I am sure we were partying for other reasons. Surely Dad must have been watching...?

President Kennedy's Assassination - 22 November 1963

What? When?

Umm, I tag Sarah, Becky Hills and Claire (maybe it means Claire will FINALLY blog again!!!)

My Holiday

So, I have had my holiday I thought I would give a brief outline of my few days away, so here goes:

Friday 15th

I went to my friend Rachel's pretty much straight from work. We stayed up late chatting (we had a lot to catch up on)

Saturday 16th

I think the picture sums it up!!! Yes, Rachel and I went shopping, and this was one of my purchases! Expect to see it over the next few months!!! Then I went home in the evening.

Sunday 17th

Church. After church, I packed and made my way to Bournemouth to visit my friend Mel. I had a long drive, then we spent the evening catching up.

Monday 18th

Mel was introduced to my gorgeous nephew, as we said a quick hello in passing to my brother and sister in law when they were about to travel back to Essex after visitng my grandparents in Bournemouth.

We then went ice skating, and I am proud to say I fell over twice. I have the bruises on my knees to prove it. Ice skating is actually good exercise. My legs took ages to recover! We then wondered around Bornemouth town centre for a while before going to the pub on the river; where I am also sporting my new jacket! After this we had a girly-DVD night. We watched PS I love you, 27 dresses and Step-up 2. Very relaxing!

Tuesday 19th

We went to my grandparents in the morning and watched some of the Olympics. Then we went to Poole and wondered around the shopping centre for a while. We went to the cinema to see Wall-e. We then went to visit another friend Dr Phil who now lives in Poole and spent the evening chatting and watching Evan Almighty. (I watched a LOT of films!!!)

Wednesday 20th

We went to Brownsea Island on a ferry: We went on a suggested walk, but there wre a number of different 'walks' we could choose from. We accidently kept swapping tracks and so we seemed to do a combination of different routes! We think that we must have walked about 3 miles. That was enough for us! It was a holiday after all. It all adds to the exercise though!!! We didn't spot any red squirrels which Brownsea Island is apparently famous for, but we did enounter a number of wasps!

After Brownsea Island we went for a walk around Sandbanks (The 'Hollywood' of Bournemouth!) and came across the house of my dreams. I LOVE IT! This is going to be my next house - when I marry a millionaire that is! It is amazing: This picture does NOT do it justice!

I will try to fix you

This is a new topic – not based on a previously discussed issue. I will come back to those, I just couldn’t help myself but blog about this: Beware – its personal!

I have always loved this song (see title) by Coldplay. However, I realised today that maybe we have got ourselves into the habit of needing to fix things, and people. I have mentioned a few of my personal but not particularly serious struggles to some of my colleagues recently and all the time, I get suggestions for how I might be able to help myself to fix them. I notice that I always seem able to find reasons why that ‘cure’ wont work. This then makes me come across as really negative and ungrateful (maybe I am), but most of the time it’s simply because I don’t place much priority on the need for the issue to be fixed. I will give an example: I don’t often take much holiday from work, mainly because I don’t like not having anything to do, I don’t like doing things on my own, and I don’t want to spend money on a proper holiday. Today someone made the suggestion that I try to use more of my leave, and I gave my reasons for not doing so. When people find out that those are my reasons, they always try to find ways to help. Well maybe if you…how about if…you could just… The truth is, they are all very good suggestions, and I would do well to listen to their advice. However, I just don’t really care enough about the issue to bother going to the hassle of ‘fixing’ it. Does it really matter that much if I don’t want a proper holiday? Does it really matter that much that I don’t like doing things on my own. Who says that I should try to change that?

Don’t get me wrong; I love that people are interested enough and caring enough to try to find solutions on my behalf. I love that they want to be involved in my life and want to play a part in shaping my journey. I am incredibly lucky to have some wonderful people in my life who care enough to find out about ‘me’. Because of all of this, I desperately don’t want to shove it back in their faces. I want to show I am grateful, and that I value their advice, but to be honest, I am quite happy with not taking that much leave from work. I know it’s not the norm, and people will say you need to have a break etc, but actually, I don’t feel that this is a problem that particularly needs fixing. I always respond to people suggestions negatively because I prefer things the way they are, but then I end up feeling guilty for not being excited or encouraged by their suggestions and not putting all my energy in to putting the suggestion into practice. Sometimes I think I get tired of trying to become the person other people think I should, or rather can, be.

Does anyone else ever get this?

I know I sound like a brat, and its probably a bit lazy too – but I can’t be bothered to do anything about some of the things that other people think I should fix in my life. There are things I recognise that I need to change. There are some very close friends who are currently doing their best to help me with those, and I am probably just as ungrateful to them too. I know I am in the wrong for that – these things really genuinely do need to change, and I know I need to try harder. But with other things, I just don’t care enough! I guess it’s considered ‘better’ to take a proper break and to be more independent, I just don’t want to make the effort to do that! Do you think I am becoming lazy about discipline?

Why do we always feel like we have to come up with a solution to other peoples so called ‘problems’. What if they don’t want them fixed? I think I can learn a lot of lessons from this in my dealings with other people too. It takes a lot of grace to sit and listen to someone complain about something when you know that they are choosing to stay in that position rather than make the effort to fix it – even for the simplest of things. I guess a lot of judgement is needing in deciding whether its something they should really be encouraged to change or whether its just ok for them to stay like that.

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!

There is a real blog underneath this one. Please read it! It is more important! But I got so cross by this link! For some it might make you laugh - for others like me it will simply infuriate you! You need to have the sound on your computer.

click here to be made cross!

Post 101 - back to the beginning!

It's interesting that the first post I ever wrote on this blog is the one I remember the most. It contains a discussion about one of the issues that has defined my journey over the last two years. I wrote it on July 28 2006 - Now, more than two years on, I still do not have the answers to all these questions, although the questions have altered, and they still form the basis of many other concerns and struggles in my faith journey. The questions of individuality vs community. (Wow, that could be a good title for a series couldn't it???!)

I have often been told my blogs are too long! I have tried, (and failed) to cut them down in length but still keep the granularity of discussion. My failure has convinced me to try a new format. For those who don't have the time or inclination to read further, I have summarised the final question and added some snippets of the original post to help you see where I am coming from. The ultimate questions are: "If the things that make me delight in God are different and opposite to the things that make someone else delight in Him, how can I still claim that faith is not something we can craft individually? I guess it suggests that the 'truth' in itself, will always be delightful. If some people find it's not, is that because we don't understand it properly or because there isn't really just one truth?" and "I know what I think about this, I would stubbornly argue for the existence of absolute truth, and that faith is not about what I want it to be...it is about what it is...and that is determined by God, not my own desires or wishes as if I was in control of my own faith and my own eternity. I guess I just struggle that people I love, and trust and respect don't believe the same things that I do...how does that figure, and how dare I suggest that I know better than them...?"

For those that have the time to read the original (long) post, you can find it here, and you may also want to skip to the 'New Thoughts' section on this post which desribes how I arrived at my final question. (How very structured!!!!) Otherwise, the following snippets should remind you...

Blog Snippets

"Is God involved with our lives on an individual basis? - is he interested in the decisions, choices, and questions that we face as individuals or is he interested more on a sort of community level?"

"It wasn't just about blessing Abraham. These promises served a greater purpose - that of the establishment of the nation Israel - The Children of God...My point is simply that God's dealings with Abraham were not simply for the sake of Abraham."

"Deep down I know that God is a God that gets involved in the lives of us as individuals...and yet...I don't really get why He seems to answer some prayers and not others, whether I am allowed to ask Him for the things I want, or whether I should instead be striving to not care about them any more. I know that I can have an impact on His Kingdom and He does have a plan for my life. I know that - but I know it in my heart, not my head."

Comment Snippets

"In some ways God shows himself to the world and has a relationship with the community of his people the church universal, but in other ways, it is through his people as individuals who have a responsibility to endeavour to grow more like we were intended to be (fruit of the Spirit), so that we can truly demonstrate God and his love and reconciliation to the world at large."

"I also believe that God is, and wants to be, involved in all parts of our INDIVIDUAL lives because each of us contribute to the kingdom of God in our own ways"

"We only praise something that we delight in, that we enjoy, and for us, that delight comes from that personal relationship that we have with God."

New Thoughts

A lot of my thoughts will link to some other posts I am going to re-consider, so for now I will stick to the individual vs community question.

I wonder sometimes whether we have become a bit too easily caught up in ourselves, and have turned our faith into something that we can each craft to our own design. I have been having a few brief conversations recently with people about the existence of absolute truth which I wont get into, but it has stunned me how many Christians would claim that their faith is a very individual thing that may not be 'truth' for other people. I have wondered whether the country's recent obsession with individualism (ipod, i-phone, i-google... need I go on?) has pushed us to thinking that we can design our own lives, our own faith, our own future and our own eternity. I mentioned about Abraham, and the fact that God's promises to him were not given solely for the benefit of Abraham. His descendents became the holy nation, the Children of God, God's chosen people. His relationship with God was not about him and him alone...it wasn't disconected from other people. It happened to him but did not only affect him.

I don't belive that I can design my own reality. I don't believe that I can make my own faith and someone else can think something opposite, and that we can both be right. I don't believe that the things I believe or the things I say or do, exist only within my own reality.

Why am I talking about all this stuff? Because I think it impacts my view of how God works. If my reality is interconnected with other people's, then how God deals with me is not simply about or for me. When I pray, I need to remind myself that there is more to this than just me, more to it than how my life pans out, what my needs and desires are. God is interested in the world, not just in me. However, the comment, relating to the fact that we will praise the things that we delight in, rings so true. I want to distance myself from individualism. I want to stop thinking of 'me' and start thinking of 'us', whilst still remembering that God enjoys hearing my praise, He enjoys my joy and delight in Him, and I shouldn't just make this world about a task to be accomplished. I am also here to find joy in God - corporately and individually. A difficult balance? Yes I think so, because all I said about individualism I still believe. If the things that make me delight in God are different and opposite to the things that make someone else delight in Him, how can I still claim that faith is not something we can craft individually? I guess it suggests that the 'truth' in itself, will always be delightful. If its not, is that because we don't understand it properly or because there isn't really just one truth?

(On reflection, I know what I think about this, I would stubbornly argue for the existence of absolute truth, and that faith is not about what I want it to be...it is about what it is...and that is determined by God, not my own desires or wishes as if I was in control of my own faith and my own eternity. I guess I just struggle that people I love, and trust and respect don't believe the same things that I do...how does that figure, and how dare I suggest that I know better than them...?)

The 100th!

It's my 100th blog post! Better make it a good one! Hmm...what to write about...

Actually, I thought that the 100th showed that it might be time to go back over some of my old posts and see how things have moved on. It would be interesting to see what lessons I have learnt and what lessons I have yet to learn. I am sure this exercise will highlight to me some issues that I have not yet got sorted in my faith. I hope there will be some I have. I think a lot of them I wont have sorted but I will have been able to put to bed.

Since I have already taken up a lot of space by putting lots of pictures in this blog, I am going to start easy by adding more...

Yes...first blog problem solved...

I HAVE SOME NEW STRAIGHTNERS! Another reason to celebrate!