At the weekend I went to Bracknell for a reunion with my uni friends. We only get to meet up together about twice a year and so these times are really special. We had a superb weekend – it was so much fun. I am always amazed by how easy it is to be with these guys, even though we see each other so rarely. Anyway, we had an enormous amount of fun. There are many highlights, but there was one in particular that made me think.
My friend Jo spent a while before the weekend thinking of ways she could keep us all entertained for the weekend as she was the host (And was brilliant at it – thanks Jo!). One of the things we were all really keen to do was go on a picnic and have cream teas! But unfortunately, the weather didn’t seem to appreciate this, and decided to rain on and off all day on Saturday. We weren’t sure whether to risk it or not – we wanted to go, but we also didn’t want to get caught in a downpour, so we improvised.
My friend Jo spent a while before the weekend thinking of ways she could keep us all entertained for the weekend as she was the host (And was brilliant at it – thanks Jo!). One of the things we were all really keen to do was go on a picnic and have cream teas! But unfortunately, the weather didn’t seem to appreciate this, and decided to rain on and off all day on Saturday. We weren’t sure whether to risk it or not – we wanted to go, but we also didn’t want to get caught in a downpour, so we improvised.
Jo has a lovely garden, so we decided that would be a great spot to have our picnic, but because we wanted it to feel authentic, we trekked all the way round the block and came in the fence to the back-garden. The rule was that we weren’t allowed in the house, because in theory it wasn’t really there. So to get home afterwards we had to walk back round the block again!
Ok, it might sound silly, but it made it really fun, and we had such a laugh. And we got our picnic! We made the most of our day, in spite of the complications the weather brought us, (in fact it was probably even more special because of the fun created by the rain).
It made me think quite a bit about how easy it is to moan about things, but because we are so busy looking at the negative, we forget to see how we can make the most of it. (See Sarah’s blog!)
This concept is all well and good for picnics and the crazy weather we are currently experiencing, but what about things which disappoint or hurt or get in the way at a deeper level. I know there are some things in my life I am disappointed about and that prevent me from doing what I really want to do, or from being what I really want to be. I guess this experience should teach me that I should try to make the best out of my situation, (Viv Thomas in his book ‘Second Choice’ talks about this). But its hard isn’t it. I had to ask myself, ‘why is it so hard?’ The point is that if I know that I can make it better by making the most out of it, why do I refuse to? Is it better to live with the misery, or to enjoy the benefits of taking positive action?
During all of these thoughts, the word that kept coming back to me over and over again was ‘acceptance’. To make the most of your situation, you first have to learn to accept it. That is the hard bit – and the bit that I get to a quandary. Is it always right to accept your situation? Sometimes, shouldn’t we fight to change it rather than just simply making the best out of it? And most importantly, how do you decide which things to accept, and which things to fight for?
It made me think quite a bit about how easy it is to moan about things, but because we are so busy looking at the negative, we forget to see how we can make the most of it. (See Sarah’s blog!)
This concept is all well and good for picnics and the crazy weather we are currently experiencing, but what about things which disappoint or hurt or get in the way at a deeper level. I know there are some things in my life I am disappointed about and that prevent me from doing what I really want to do, or from being what I really want to be. I guess this experience should teach me that I should try to make the best out of my situation, (Viv Thomas in his book ‘Second Choice’ talks about this). But its hard isn’t it. I had to ask myself, ‘why is it so hard?’ The point is that if I know that I can make it better by making the most out of it, why do I refuse to? Is it better to live with the misery, or to enjoy the benefits of taking positive action?
During all of these thoughts, the word that kept coming back to me over and over again was ‘acceptance’. To make the most of your situation, you first have to learn to accept it. That is the hard bit – and the bit that I get to a quandary. Is it always right to accept your situation? Sometimes, shouldn’t we fight to change it rather than just simply making the best out of it? And most importantly, how do you decide which things to accept, and which things to fight for?
10 comments:
ha! (in your very own words!!)
Think I have said before Kirsty, life has to be about just "being" sometimes, if we spend all our lives wondering whether we should 'fight' or not I think we will burn out lot quicker and not stop enough to enjoy the journey!
It could also relate to your post about Popeye. I find myself fighting back when I can't take it any more, and that seems to take quite a long time for me. For example, it's taken me two years to build up to saying something slightly contentious at work this week !? So slight that some people might not even notice, but contentious by my standards :)
Liz, I think a lot of it is about confidence. I now speak up about certian things at work and at the army, which I wouldn't have been able to do before. Maybe that I'm more confident about my ability, or now believe that other people will listen to me (and therefore I have demonstrated my ability and so they acknowledge my view).
I was in a situation at work today where I was supporting/comforting someone who had tried to stick up for themselves, after being told by a senior member of staff carry out a duty that is completely unprofessional. She may now have to resign because she couldn't live with herself if she did, but is being given no choice in the matter.
I think it hugely depends on the situation and sometimes we do just have to let things go. I had a lesson in that at the weekend - not responding to every little thing that happened. I can't say I particularly liked it at the time, but it made me feel calmer!
I read this today:
"The belief: 'It is awful and terrible when things are not the way I would like them to be. Things should be different.' is basically the belief that life should be fair and just and satisfy our needs. Life is not like that. Holding this belief will mean that life will be very painful and we will constantly be disappointed, angry, frustrated and depressed. Watch out for 'shoulds' and 'oughts' and learn to live with hpw things are rathyer than how we would ideally like them to be, accepting our own limitations and the limitations of others."
Good advice?
I also was reminded of the prayer; 'God grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.'
I am going to start using that prayer more often!
If I'm honest Kirsty, no, I don't think that is good advice. In effect, is it saying that whatever comes our way is part of God's plan?? And if so, we just accept that for what it is and get on with life?? Sometimes we fight, because we can get no kind of answers to the questions we ask about "circumstances", sometimes we fight because we can't see how God's planning can cause sustained hurt and upset to people that we care about, or situations that have no visible conclusion or solution. Sometimes we fight because if we don't and we just accept, then it means, at this moment in time, accepting that maybe God isn't the God I thought he was, if God "is" at all? Maybe the question is how long do you keep fighting with no response, before accepting?
But can we try to solve or justify God's plan for other people? We know where we are with God and hopefully trust in God's plan for us but surely we can't do that for others.
For me, the prayer says it all. We sometimes have to fight for things. There are lost of injustices in the world and many on our own doorstep. You can fight against disease, raising money and awareness for it. You can fight against poverty, missing or abducted children - you get the drift!!!
But there are things you just can't fight against, and you will lose all your energies trying. IF these are part of God's plan, then we have to accept that, however painful, we will "screw" ourselves up trying to question everything. And if we do spend time doing that, we will miss out on so much that is going on around us that has actually been sent as a blessing. And IF these things are not part of God's plan, then we need to ask for God to help us through them!
And then we have to ask for discernment to know the difference between the two.
And then after breakfast.........!
Hmm, yeah! I think it may be that discernment thing I am missing! Its not so much the massive issues like justice, poverty etc etc that I worry about - I know we should fight those, (oops - not should - but what other word is there?!) Its the more individual things that happen in your own life that are more confusing. How do you know whether something that is happening to you is part of God's plan or whether you have a responsibility to try to make things happen differently? Discernment? Yes please, some of that would be wonderful!
Questions and random comments - might not be helpful, but I'm still asking!
God's plan is that the whole world should get saved am I right, is that not his ultimate objective?
Why does he want that to happen - because He loves us?...because He wants more people to worship Him?...because He hasn't got anything else to do?
Our fight is God's fight when it meshes with that plan surely?
I get this feeling inside me when I feel that meshing happening. I'm not saying that I'm amazingly discerning, but I do know that God communicates with me through my feelings, which I know is tough for the analysts to comprehend.
Guys, we are NOT on our own, we have each other and we have God, whether we feel the stuff we are going through is in the plan or not and whether we like it or not.
....and (drumroll) we have hope!
Romans 8 v 18-28.
I know it all feels elusive, but it's there to be had - really!
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