Instructions

I thought a few days ago that I would like to write a quick blog update on the progress of my new flat, but after the last couple of days, this post is no longer going to be 'quick'! Sorry about that!


Since I first got the keys to my flat, my Mum and Dad have been working tirelessly all day every day, (in their holiday's), to put laminate flooring down over the whole of the flat. What would I do without them?! This is very nearly done now - just got small amount of beading left to do. Its taken a long time because none of us have ever done this before - and the only right angles in my flat are in the airing cupboard, and much of the flat is on a curve! This is humorous as I like everything neatly and in straight lines!


Over the last couple of days my friends, my mum and I have been trying to build flat packed furniture. This we have done many times before, and should have been no problem - except for one thing; I bought my coffee tables from ILVA and my bedoom furniture from Argos. Do not ever do this! When you are used to building IKEA furniture, ILVA and Argos are not good options. The instructions IKEA give you are clear, precise, and never leave you with any room for doubt, (I have found). They clearly point out every step - even to the point of showing you when you need to turn the pieces over, and which way they should be facing. ILVA had one page worth of pictures that we had to somehow decipher. Argos instructions were even worse. At one point they told us to screw a drawer to the runner without telling us which hole to use, or which direction to go in, (out of the drawer or into the drawer). Now you may be thinking this is common sense, but my Mum and I had to try every combination before finding one that worked! A simple job ended up being very difficult.


I have realised that in life in general, I love being instructed. At work, I will do the things I am told to do, and will enjoy doing them, and doing them to the best of my ability, but when it comes to having to make a decision, or taking the initiative - I would always ask for direction from my boss or colleagues first. I aways need the confirmation that I am doing the right thing.


In my Christian life I am very grateful to have the Bible which gives clear instructions for Christian living. However, as we know, sometimes it can be difficult to know or agree about how certain passages are meant to be applied to our lives and our culture today. I don't like this much. I like the answers, I like the clear direction, I don't like having to work it out for myself. I am excited about all the enthusiasm for mission there is in our church right now. It is cool to see all the passion - but I also feel a bit frustrated about it all. Why? Because there isn't anyone saying this is what you need to do - go and do it. I feel a bit like I am waiting for that to happen. For someone to work out what it all means, and then tell me what to do. I desperately want to be involved, but I want to be told how.


A couple of people said tonight that the answer to most of our questions or frustrations is 'us', suggesting that we have to take some initiative in figuring out what do do, and how to turn our passion into action. But what do we do if the thought of making things happen yourself fills you with dread, or frustration, or completely overwhelms you, or worst of all, makes you feel so alone? Of course I know we are not alone in it because as people keep saying, we have each other, but what is the point in us having each other if we basically have to be the answer ourselves anyway? Is it not possible that we belong to the body of Christ because there are some of us who will be able to work out the meaning of the scriptures, then some who will be able to tell us what thatlooks like in our culture, and our community, and then others who can give directives and work out strategies and plans, and then otehrs who take that direction and do the things that have been suggested?

'Do I have to change?' is my basic question. Should I be trying to work out how to implement the teachings of the Bible in my community? Should I be working it out for myself, making decisions and taking action - or is it ok for me to wait on others to do that part? Should I be figuring it out, being brave and learning how to be a bit more self-reliant, or should I be taking my place in a team - which currently means waiting? Am I being lazy by saying that? Taking the easy option because I don't want to have to do the other stuff and deal with all the emotions that invokes in me? What if I can't do that because the thought of that is so massive that I am left immobilized because I get overwhelmed. If that is how it makes me feel, should I be listening to my emotions and hearing that this is simply not my role, and I can sit back and wait, or should I be striving to work through those emotions and make them go away so that i can do something about it? If I do that, will I just burn myself out because it is not really 'me', or will I discover that maybe it is really 'me' after all?

Sorry - I know its very personal, but I am guessing I am not the only one feeling like this. Its good to be able to understand the reason why I have been feeling so frustrated for so long - now I just need to know what to do about it!