Being transparent seems to always be considered a good thing. If a business is transparent in its dealings with its customers, that is good. If a charity is transparent about where Mr Joe Public’s money actually goes, then that is good. If a company is transparent about its morals – where they get their goods, how much the initial producers are paid, and so on, this is good, (highly unlikely, but good). It is this that makes me a little bit frustrated. I hate it when things are hidden from me – when I want information and I can’t get it – when I want to be able to make the best decisions about what brands to buy, but finding out where a store gets its products is seemingly impossible. There have been times where I have just longed for the whole world to become completely transparent – where nobody hid anything from anyone.
Then I looked at myself and realised how un-transparent I can be. I don’t like to share every detail of my life with everyone. I like to share lots of it with lots of people, but the really personal stuff, I like to keep within a small group of very trustworthy friends and family. Is that wrong? Surely not. Last Sunday I went to a different church – a small church, and met some people for the first time. I was completely blown away by how much of their lives these people shared with me. I don’t know them from Adam and yet they shared so personally. I found it really fresh and honest and felt privileged that these people wanted to do that. I don’t think I would have shared that openly – why the difference?
But then again, is it not possible that if you shared that intimately with everyone all the time it would begin to get a bit boring and annoying for people? For someone who thinks and analyses the amount I do, it would certainly begin to grate on people if I was consistently sharing everything that was on my mind – and it would probably get them as jumbled as my mind feels most of the time!
My thoughts on this subject were further developed when I started watching, “Big Brother On the Couch”. To be honest I found myself wanting to shout at the T.V. most of the time. The idea, (for those sane people who don’t watch big brother), is that Davina talks to a bunch of psychologists, who perform loads of ‘experiments’ on the housemates and then analyse their behaviour to say what that shows about them. I hate it. I hate it because of a few things:
- They are extremely inconsistent in their judgements
- They come to conclusions I don’t always agree with
- They make a really big deal out of very small things which probably don’t mean anything
- They think they’re soooo clever
- They frighten me
Ok so I may analyse myself, but I don’t like being analysed, and the thought that they are teaching people how to do that is horrible. Especially because my body language tends to have a habit of giving me away.
On one hand I can see the need for a transparent society, a transparent church, and transparent friendships, but on the other hand – will we live to regret it?
Secondly, it made me think about the amount of things about himself God has not yet revealed to us. God is not transparent, He can be extremely complicated. There is so much we don’t know, so much we don’t understand. Even when He ‘speaks’ to us, it can be in very un-transparent ways that make you question whether it’s really God at all.
So is transparency really as good as we think? Surely sometimes people not knowing everything is better?
4 comments:
I agree with a lot of what you say Kirst, I just find it slightly ironic that you seem to spend so much time analysing things then blog about other people spending time analysing things!
Like you say, sometimes things don't need an answer (I paraphrase but you know what I mean).
i think we chatted a bit about this at claires party or was that in my head!!! but that word has been haunting me since me being on essential... one of the things that people kept saying to me about what they knew about wetherby corps is that it is a very open and honest church, then when our officer was giving us the rundown of th church just kept coming back to this whole transparency thing. as you know i too find this very hard, however, i do believe it strengthens the relationship you have with that person hugely!!! - you have taught mwe well!!
hope you kool
I think there is a difference between being honest (I suppose transparent) about ourselves and our weaknesses, and being so open that it is silly and draining for other people. There is a point at each end of the scale where it becomes maladaptive and dangerous behaviour. People without boundaries often share very deeply very quickly, and very often with people they hardly know, as they are desperate for attention - not a good reason to be transparent. But those who are totally closed are missing out on real human interaction and relationships which is part of God's plan for us here. So I think you need a balance, somewhere in between. It is up to you to figure out what that means!
Very wise Rachel. I completely agree.
Post a Comment